Thank You Secret Santa!!

So this story doesn't start off well but ends great.  I cried for two very different reasons tonight....

I was putting the kids to bed rushing around like a chicken with my head cut off.  Aaron was at work.  I ran downstairs to grab some diapers then back up to get the screaming Amelia.  I get to the bottom of my stairs and someone POUNDS on my door.  I literally screamed and ran up the stairs.  I calmed Amelia down hoping they would go away whoever they were because Aaron wasn't home and I was too freaked to open the door.  About a minute later again with the pounding.  Although maybe my house was just so quite that it seemed loud but it did kind of shake the house.  At this point I looked out the windows to see if there is a car in my driveway.  I looked out every window upstairs and couldn't see a darn thing.  I figured they gave up and began to relax again when they knocked again.  At this point I actually started to cry and wonder why I was so foolish as to not have my cell phone in my pocket for such emergencies.  Seriously I was seconds away from calling the police if only I could get my phone.  At this point I said a prayer for protection and safety.

I calmed down Amelia and put her back to sleep when Alex started to cry.  I went in his room and they knocked again.  Persistent little buggers.  I peeked out my window to see two people walking away from my front door with their arms loaded with presents.  At this point I started to feel silly with all my freaking out.  They then went to my other door and knocked there.  I figured with my prayer for safety and the fact that they had presents it couldn't turn out all that bad, right?

I went downstairs and turned on the light to see people I didn't know standing there with presents.  Now the house one block down from mine totally looks like my house so I figured they were at the wrong house but opened the door anyway.  I was still shaking, literally, from being freaked out.  They said they were delivering presents from some friends that wanted to do secret Santa for us.  I noticed our name on a card and then knew it wasn't the wrong house.  I thanked them and sent them on their way.  That's when the crying for the second reason started.

Very few people know how hard I've truly had it these last few weeks.  I actually tried to kill myself the day after Thanksgiving and ended up in the hospital for a few days.  I'm just now beginning to feel safe with myself again and to see the happy things in life.  Just yesterday I had my first spontaneously happy thought that wasn't forced.  This is massive improvement.  I'm working out at the gym in an effort to improve my mood and de-stress.  It's done wonders and as a bonus I've lost 5 pounds with only 7 visits.

You may never know how much you've truly touched me.  I felt like no one cared about me or my family and I've been proven wrong in countless ways that I will ever be grateful for.  Even now I'm so touched and moved that I find it hard to express my thanks sufficiently.  Even if you are not aware of all I've been through I know that God is and he touched your heart so you could touch mine.  Thank you!  For your kindness, for restoring my faith in friends, and for showing me that I'm not alone.  I hope you get to read this and know that you were on the Lord's errand tonight.